"STRANGER IN THE MIRROR"

CHEATERS

Honestly! I swear. Why can't people just tell it like it really is.?

Twitter offers you to twitter from your phone. What they fail to tell you is that you WILL pay gobs of money to do this.

They make it seem like it is all ok to just twitter from your phone if the computer is just, you know, not available. Liars!

It costs lots of $$$$ to twitter from the phone. Just wanted you guys to know that.

As%^^^^holes! Some people. Humph!

OK as you were.

That, and it really is raining cats and dogs here. Sheesh.

I'm guessing this rain is so much better than snow. No? Yah, I thought so!

I promise you, I have not been drinking. Just sayin'.

8 DAYS A WEEK

It certainly felt that way for me. Maybe even 9. Just sayin'.

The little "hobgoblins" were out in full force.  I finally decided to just park myself on the front step to give out candy. I couldn't get anything done what with running to the door every 2 seconds. If you can't beat em' join em', right?

My first full week back at work was busy. I actually forgot how crazy busy my job gets. I swore that there had to be a full moon a coming because people were more strange than usual. I guess Halloween tends to bring out the "best" in folks.

I cannot believe that November is here, I'm not sure where October went. It seriously just flew. Next thing you know it will be Christmas. Yikes!

I know one for sure, I will be so happy when this whole election thing is over. I'm sick to death of all the negative crap from all parties. I certainly will not be one of those people who will suffer from "election withdrawal".

Thanks for all your comments. You guys rule. I know I've said it before but seriously, you really do!

Happy Monday to all! I know it is only Sunday, I'm thinking ahead.

LIVING LARGE

It has been awhile since I've checked in on this blog site. Let's just say I've been a tad bit busy.

In addition to the hubs having a few minor setbacks as of late, I actually had to have one of my own. While it was totally "out of the blue" and very surprising given my awesome health it happened none the less. Let that be a lesson to you not to take your health for granted. Boy, I sure did.

Hubs issues left us all drained for the entire last couple of weeks. Working, not much sleep, and very little eating. I guess you could say it almost did me in.

I awoke last Tuesday, actually it would have been Wednesday already, at around 1:30 A.M. with a strange feeling. No pain, just a very weird feeling. It was mainly in my jaw. It felt like I had just eaten some sour patch kids. That tingly feeling you get when you eat something sour. I got up. Drank some water and tried to go back to sleep. Now, I am in the medical field and so my intuition told me to go to emergency. I am usually off on Wednesdays and I had a lot of things planned for the day. I really did not want to waste a whole day being any kind of ill. Hey, I have my priorities. I really do!

Anywho, I got dressed and drove myself the 8 or so blocks to the nearest hospital. Calmly walked in and explained my symptoms. The next thing I knew they were breaking out the EKG machine and doing tests. Long story short I ended up having an artery on the right side of my heart blocked by 99%. Oh yes I did. Did I mention that I DO eat well and that I am an exercise freak? Yes, well apparently that is a good thing because it truly saved my life. No heart damage, no lung damage either. I do however have not 1 but 2 stents in my right artery. Scary shit! Let me tell you I was never so scared in my life!

So, all you ladies out there it is true when they tell you that woman really do not always have heart attack symptoms. It just happened. BTW, I also only weigh 118 lbs at 5'4", so I am not overweight either. Go figure. All I can say is that I am a firm believer that stress can kill. I will now become a "poster woman" for stress. Breathe, breathe, I have to keep telling myself because I really am a very hyperactive Type A personality control freak!

I am learning to smell the roses. It isn't easy but I sure am trying.

RANDY PAUSCH DOESN'T LIVE HERE..........

Why yes I do still have a blog.  It's just not being used lately.  I digress.

There has been a lot going on here in the Stranger's world. A LOT!

In addition to the normal shit ordinary stuff that happens day-to-day, the hubs brain cancer has returned.  There aren't too many options left at this point so we just take it one very long day at a time, if you get my drift.

I'm still working, not sure how much longer.  It's hard going in every day wondering what I might find at the end of my day waiting for me at home.  I know, I'm being very selfish. Hey, don't judge, I really need  the diversion that my job brings.  It's OK, you can call me selfish,  I really don't care. I am.

Work has become my normalcy, my safe haven if you will.  They know me there, they are very much aware of my situation and they take good care of me.  Yes, I already said I'm selfish.  I  am!  I have to be at this point.

Getting back to Randy.  I'm sure by now every one has heard or seen Randy Pausch.  He has been on You Tube, Primetime, Oprah and everywhere. He is dying as well.  He however is choosing a different path.  He has very young children and therefore has chosen the positive approach.  The  Stranger's hubs is choosing the  on so very negative one.  Mad or angry at everyone around him.  Not one person is exempt.  Hey, I'm not judging, I'm just saying, Randy  wouldn't want to doesn't live here.  I'm not exactly sure what I would or would not do if I were in hubs shoes.  I refuse to judge.

The whole thing just got me to thinking about how we are all wired.  The whole  "glass is half full vs.  half empty" thing.  I'm thinking it is either how we are born or raised.

I've had a rather shitty unusual upbringing. My mother was an alcoholic,  I'm just happy to have a place to sleep at night and the hubs had a rather conventional upbringing.  Mother and Father  albeit hostile towards one another in tact raising the kids. Married for a bazillion years only parted by death.  Hubs had dinner on the table, me,  mustard on bread sandwiches were the norm. Go figure. I turned out to be the annoying cheerleader. Yay rah, cancer, who cares, it has been three years, we can beat this. Hubs finds me rather annoying at this point in his life. Go figure. I refuse to make apologies to anyone. Until you are six feet under dead, I'm cheering and make that very loud. I choose life. Unless and until I find out otherwise.

Then along comes Randy Pausch. He has this awesome attitude about living and dying and OMG unless you live under a rock I don't have to tell you. The man is my hero, my inspiration, I'm building me some safety nets for my already grown children.

The hubs, he isn't buying into any of it. It has been all doom and gloom. That is where I am now. That is why I have been absent. I've been doing some thinking. Lots of it. I still choose life. I'm sorry, call me an asshole idiot, but hey as long as you wake up each and every morning, you are still alive, right? I thought so. Might as well make the best of it.

At any rate it is going to be a long and winding road. Rocky too, so bear with me while I travel on this journey. I'm here, positive, still reading all my blogs and loving them as always.

I'll keep you posted. Good news or bad, I'll post it. Oh, and when you pray each night think of us if you don't mind. I could use a few of those.

Thanks, you guys still rule!

FEELIN' THE LOVE.....

Seriously, you guys rock!

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. 

The cold, nose, thingy seems to be better. I look like someone dragged me across carpeting on my face, other than that it's all good!

I made it through one hellacious day of Monday  work and I'm still here and even blogging. Life is good I tell ya.

I broke down and asked the Doc today what I could possibly do to stop the drip of the nose and remove my head from the vise. Hopefully without too many meds and basically it's a good ole' common upper respiratory thing and medicated or not we are talking 7 to 14 days.  Yuck! It has to run its course.

The new mucinex dm is supposed clear up the nose clogging. We'll see. I'm actually going to break down and try some.

I just don't want my head to explode when the plane takes off. It is what it is.

All in all I really can't complain. Just slap me for whining, it's a damn head cold and not some life altering experience.

Thank you, all of you for taking the time to post a comment. That alone makes one feel better. I swear, it really does.

I've been reading, not commenting too much. It's a pain to have to think. I stalk read and then read some comments and keep moving. Blog to blog. I'm a real junkie.

I really must get my own blog in order. Change things up a bit over here. It's harder with typepad. Choices are limited and it is like being behind the iron curtain. They make things tough to add. I'm learning and if I wasn't so afraid of losing the whole blog, I'd do so much more. Ack, I'll get there. I know, I say that all the time.

I'm off to lala land, another busy day tomorrow and packing too.

Looking forward to getting "out of dodge" for awhile. Change of scenery. It has been a strange couple of months over here.

Thanks again!!! You guys are truly awesome.

JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY

Hard as I try to prepare myself for Mondays, they just flat out suck and I lose every single time!

I swear, I get up on the right side of the bed, I talk only positive to myself, I eat a good breakfast, and I try to think of only what is RIGHT with the world.  Honestly, true story, I do. And yet, Monday kicks my ever lovin' ass every single time.

From the "el" ride to work with all my butt buddies packed in the train, to my very negative coworker, to all the crazy patients who absolutely in no uncertainty, must be seen TODAY. Are we kidding?

Hey, it's 8 pm here in Chicago and I'm still trying to find some positives for today, while it is still Monday.  I've found a few, but overall I'll just have to start over tomorrow.

Mondays really are manic! But why?

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.....everywhere

Seriously, WTF. We can't have any fun anymore without fear of dying. I don't know what to think or who to believe anymore.

I just finished reading this mornings news about how women, omg, why is it just the women, anyhoo, how we are going to get more cancers by drinking even 1 to 2 glasses of wine or any alcoholic beverage a day. Are we kidding here? Again I ask, why just the women.

Who conducts these studies? How many people do they use? Where the hell do they even find these people?

I'm thinking I need to give up newspaper reading. I'm better off dumb. You know, the whole ignorance is bliss theory.

While I'm ranting away here, I honestly am jealous sick to death of Martha Stewart. That women always looks fabulous, the hair is perfect, no wrinkles on the face, she can cook, decorate, and organize anything. Martha even managed to make jail time look glamorous. The woman is all the things I aspire to be when I grow up, oh wait, I already am grown up.

I was honestly having a good day until I got up, read the paper and turned on the Today Show. That will teach me.

It's time to get on with my day. It may or may not involve wine.

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

A HALLMARK CARD MOMENT, it wasn't

Yes indeedy we got to Hallmark and bought far too many a few ornaments. The furniture did get moved and all in all today felt like Friday the 13th.

I was up early to get everything ready to go so that nothing would interfere with my ornament shopping.

The older daughter called at 9:30 A.M. and told me that she was going to go for a run, stop for some coffee and then head down to the city. It is about 20 minutes from where she lives when the stars are properly aligned and all the world isn't coming to the city on a good day. I then decided that I would quickly run to my local Hallmark and pick up my ornaments and get the special members only one as well. Yeah right!

I get there and there were only 2 of the ornaments that I wanted. Now why the hell I even need any ornaments is beyond my comprehension, but hey, I love my Hallmark ornaments. Anywho, I thought well I'll just get the special members only ornament, that was free with the purchase of any ornament. OK, I go to pay and tell the girl that I would like the special one too, because I am a member and have been since 1999. Sad, isn't it. I needed to show my membership card and when I went to look for it, in my wallet, where it always is, I could not find it. Now, to a normal person this would be no problem. But, I wanted my damn special ornament. I drove all that way and didn't have the fargin' card.

So I asked if she would hold me one, yes they do know me there, too well! I ran home, figuring that I would just grab the card, go back, get my special ornament and all would be right with my world.

The only teeny tiny little problem was, I couldn't find the card, anywhere. I tore the entire kitchen drawer apart as well as a few other places. Those that know me, know too that I am anal annie, I can find stuff, in my house, in the dark and with my eyes closed. (Yah, that made no sense) At any rate, I'm that anal, everything has a place and I am usually right on top of any chaotic messes. Apparently not today, because I was distraught that I could not find it and wouldn't get my special ornament.

I'm also a fatalist, things happen for a reason kind of gal. If it is meant to be then it will all work out I reasoned. I continued on the furniture moving journey. It was hot, furniture very uncooperative, meaning it didn't want to fit in our van or car the way we thought it should. Several hours and much traffic delivering the stuff, it's there! Thank god....It's done.

While I was in a sardine can pile of traffic I decided that I would go through my wallet one more time. Mind you, I had checked and rechecked only about a gazillion times earlier. But there it was stuck to my State Farm insurance card. I had it the whole time, the whole fargin' time! Tore the entire kitchen apart and it was right there, where I left it.

I quickly ran back to my favorite Hallmark place and I am now the proud owner of a peppermint reindeer. WTF is wrong with me? It's not even that cute. It's just because the damn thing was free and I wanted it, TODAY. Yes, my name is Chris and I'm a Hallmark junkie. Help me somebody please.

So that was my restful day off today.

Tomorrow hopefully, will be more restful. At least I'm going to pray that it is.

Happy Saturday!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S ONLY THURSDAY...

Seriously, I really need the weekend to hurry up and get here. I'm tired. No, my bad, make that exhausted.

It really has been peaceful here in my humble abode with everyone gone for the entire week. No boyfriend drama, no cancer dances, and no what could we have for breakfast,lunch, and dinner.

I feel guilty, I really am a very caring, feeling person. I needed that break. They came home much too soon. I NEEDED ANOTHER WEEK. There, I said it.

OMG, will I ever get used to working, full time? I really am such a candy ass. Sorry, I need my time and space. If I don't get it, well, you obviously can see the outcome. I'm very crabby.

It's really only Thursday? You mean I really have to get up at the ass crack of dawn again? On top of all that I actually have to go to work? I'm sorry, I'm not feeling it.

On the bright side, thanks so much for humoring a gal and participating in the Monday meme. You guys all rock! Seriously, you are the best and actually do make it bearable. If you were all here I would hug you to death. I really mean it.  All of you are the bright spots in my otherwise dull, sometimes boring life!  That is in addition to my wonderful never boring offspring.

Happy Thursday......Friday would be better, but hey, I'm just sayin'.

HINDSIGHT IS ALWAYS 20/20

I really don't want to go here, but I must. It hopefully will be cathartic to write what I heard and get it the hell out of my system. It doesn't and really can't change anything. If anything let this be a warning to those of you out there that are ever facing anything medically serious. Do your homework!

When we started the "cancer journey" well over 2 years ago we were basically green. I had some medical knowledge, not where the hub's cancer was concerned, but some. I'm also a very quick study. I still love learning knew things and still find myself reading the medical journals. It's my life, people.

After the initial diagnosis, which was very advanced and rare prostate cancer, I started calling doctor friends that I knew and asking opinions about options. I came armed with everything that I researched and laid it all out for hubs. The problem was, he didn't want it, any of it. His mind was made up, surgery it would be and really, who did I think I was? "You're not a Dr." I heard, over and over again. "Why do you always have to buck the system?" I heard this more that anything. It was to say the least, very frustrating. We had other options. There were trials, I begged that he at least seek a second opinion. He wanted none of it. He just wanted it over. This all brings us to the last few weeks.

The surgery was done, many pills to take, the cancer spread and all in all it has been a living fucking nightmare. I can't lie. It has been as horrific as anyone who has been through any serious illness can attest to. The cancer still rears its ugly head all over. The shittiest part of this whole thing is that the oncologist just shared with us that it was never prostate cancer. Yes, you heard right, not prostate cancer. Never had it, it was bladder cancer. I can't even tell you how numb I am. I feel as though life has just been sucked out of me. All of it.

Of course, being me, I had to know what the next step would be. I wanted to turn tail and run as fast as I could from every Dr. and nurse at this hospital. Unfortunately, it really is too late. The damage has been done and they claim the treatment would have been no different. Meaning chemo, radiation, etc. Except I mentioned to them just one itty bitty little problem, he would still have his prostate and would not have taken all the different meds he has to take when they remove your prostate. The prostate the never had to be removed, can you imagine? Yes, I'm sure you can. Stupid question.

So, anywho, here we are. It has not come up, the whole "I should have researched this a little better" but it lurks, I can tell.

A word to the wise, do your homework. Read anything you can get your hands on, talk to other people, and most importantly bring people with you for all the talks. Everyone hears something different.

Doctors are human too. Yes, they can make mistakes. They sure did this time. A huge one!