RANDY PAUSCH DOESN'T LIVE HERE..........

Why yes I do still have a blog.  It's just not being used lately.  I digress.

There has been a lot going on here in the Stranger's world. A LOT!

In addition to the normal shit ordinary stuff that happens day-to-day, the hubs brain cancer has returned.  There aren't too many options left at this point so we just take it one very long day at a time, if you get my drift.

I'm still working, not sure how much longer.  It's hard going in every day wondering what I might find at the end of my day waiting for me at home.  I know, I'm being very selfish. Hey, don't judge, I really need  the diversion that my job brings.  It's OK, you can call me selfish,  I really don't care. I am.

Work has become my normalcy, my safe haven if you will.  They know me there, they are very much aware of my situation and they take good care of me.  Yes, I already said I'm selfish.  I  am!  I have to be at this point.

Getting back to Randy.  I'm sure by now every one has heard or seen Randy Pausch.  He has been on You Tube, Primetime, Oprah and everywhere. He is dying as well.  He however is choosing a different path.  He has very young children and therefore has chosen the positive approach.  The  Stranger's hubs is choosing the  on so very negative one.  Mad or angry at everyone around him.  Not one person is exempt.  Hey, I'm not judging, I'm just saying, Randy  wouldn't want to doesn't live here.  I'm not exactly sure what I would or would not do if I were in hubs shoes.  I refuse to judge.

The whole thing just got me to thinking about how we are all wired.  The whole  "glass is half full vs.  half empty" thing.  I'm thinking it is either how we are born or raised.

I've had a rather shitty unusual upbringing. My mother was an alcoholic,  I'm just happy to have a place to sleep at night and the hubs had a rather conventional upbringing.  Mother and Father  albeit hostile towards one another in tact raising the kids. Married for a bazillion years only parted by death.  Hubs had dinner on the table, me,  mustard on bread sandwiches were the norm. Go figure. I turned out to be the annoying cheerleader. Yay rah, cancer, who cares, it has been three years, we can beat this. Hubs finds me rather annoying at this point in his life. Go figure. I refuse to make apologies to anyone. Until you are six feet under dead, I'm cheering and make that very loud. I choose life. Unless and until I find out otherwise.

Then along comes Randy Pausch. He has this awesome attitude about living and dying and OMG unless you live under a rock I don't have to tell you. The man is my hero, my inspiration, I'm building me some safety nets for my already grown children.

The hubs, he isn't buying into any of it. It has been all doom and gloom. That is where I am now. That is why I have been absent. I've been doing some thinking. Lots of it. I still choose life. I'm sorry, call me an asshole idiot, but hey as long as you wake up each and every morning, you are still alive, right? I thought so. Might as well make the best of it.

At any rate it is going to be a long and winding road. Rocky too, so bear with me while I travel on this journey. I'm here, positive, still reading all my blogs and loving them as always.

I'll keep you posted. Good news or bad, I'll post it. Oh, and when you pray each night think of us if you don't mind. I could use a few of those.

Thanks, you guys still rule!

Comments

[Sandi]

I am so sorry to hear this. There isn't anything you can do to change his attitude - we all deal with things differently. I have no idea how I would react if I were in your shoes or in your hubs. But continuing to work is not selfish! You need to do whatever you need to get through this. No one has the right to judge.

Be well. Keep us posted.

[Gina]

I'm so sorry to hear this as well.

It is impossible to say how each of us would deal with such a diagnosis, or when a loved one is suffering.

I am definitely keeping you and your husband and family in my prayers.

[Tug]

Yeah, what Sandi & Gina already said. You are NOT selfish at all. My thoughts & prayers are most definitely with you...you've got my e-mail if ever you'd like to use it, k?

((hugs))

[Krush]

I'm so sorry to read this. Many thoughts and prayers for both you and hubs. Keep the positive attitude, it's just who you are...and who hubs fell in love with.

[Krush]

I'm so sorry to read this. Many thoughts and prayers for both you and hubs. Keep the positive attitude, it's just who you are...and who hubs fell in love with.

[The Kept Woman]

Ditto to everything said. If work gives you an outlet, go. If venting prevents you from losing your mind vent and enjoy Randy's mindframe.

I'm sorry to hear about your hubs. Aside from not knowing how one would deal with it (as Gina mentioned) it's always hard to have the perfect thing to say...which, I obviously don't have. I'm just keeping you both (and yer kiddos) in my thoughts...not that it does a damn bit of good but still...I'm thinking of you.

[Tug]

Happy Mother's Day Chris - I'm thinking of you and hope that you're all right!